Happy Cyber Monday everyone. I'm told that you guys will be buying all kinds of stuff online today. It just so happens that I sell things online. Maybe we can work something out?

There is a build in Modern Warfare 2 - Tactical Knife, Commando, Marathon, and Lightweight - that we have taken to calling the Witch. They are so called because this nefarious combination results in half-human abominations that can a) run faster than normal, forever, b) fall without damage, and c) teleport to targets killing them instantly. If you're wondering what something like this is doing in a "shooter," whose name ostensibly delineates the standard mode of interaction, well, let us know what you come up with. We're thinking about starting a support group.

We've been talking about First Party for a long time and yesterday the site finally went live. We love making T-shirts and we have no intention of stopping, but not everyone can, or wants to wear T-shirts all the time. Some of you might work in an office during the day or maybe you just want something a little classier in the closet. Honestly First Party isn't going to be for everyone. My guess is that some of you guys are gonna hit the site and scratch your heads. If that's the case it's just not for you and that's fine. I think some of you are gonna check out First Party and really appreciate it though.

If my life was a newspaper you could say that these two comics were "ripped from the headlines". I still have flash backs about my time at Toys R Us and Circuit City. I saw grown women get into fist fights over Tickle Me Elmo. I was cursed out on Christmas Eve for not having Holiday Barbie when the stupid thing had been sold out since June, and just like the comic I've been told a million times to "check in the back."

Here's the second (and final) strip retelling Gabriel's harrowing past as a retail aggressor.

I tend not to reveal my deepest hopes, lest they be stolen from me by the universe.  Now, on the cusp of its realization, perhaps I am allowed: I do indulge in the occasional fantasy.  Let me show you them.

Gabriel still gets the shivers when entering the Holiday Retail environment, as shellshocked memories begin to leach from his brain. He is gripped by a kind of solidarity with the drudges who stock the infinite shelves, in whose ears splendid carols are warped into the crushed and tenebrous mulch of a funeral march.

I have exciting news to share! A while back we talked about a reality show based on life here at Penny Arcade. It was just something we kicked around during a podcast but the idea stuck with us. We kept getting mail from people saying that this was actually something they'd be interested in. Eventually we decided to partner with 2 Player Productions and actually do it. So now we have camera guys here in the office filming us make strips, play game and eat lunch. They also followed us around during PAX and they will be at the CP charity dinner. I'm super proud to announce that the pilot episode is now available. You can watch the two part pilot episode right here on the newly designed PATV page.

In the same way that professional skateboarders can approach Tony Hawk Ride and extract something resembling a game, people who are Italian are in a position to discern the dialogue and plot of Assassin's Creed II without resorting to deep menus or taking copious notes. This is what something like ninety percent of the game sounds like to a non-speaker: an amalgamation of intercepted food court communiques.

The exact total is $542,107.01 - a jump of just over eighty-six thousand over last week's figure.  We'll take it, certainly.  But I warn you: my palm is poised over the knob labeled Stirring Rhetoric.  I can crank this mode like you would not believe.  Act Accordingly.        

New Super Mario Brothers Wii is marriage poison.

I was very excited about Gyromancer and I decided to grab it on the PC since I saw it right there in Steam when I went to play Torchlight. I remember now why I quit playing games on the PC.

I have to say that we found DJ Hero quite interesting, actually. I understand that it didn't sell particularly well, but that's never been an especially valid barometer of aesthetics.

We've waged an unrelenting crusade to have Gabe give Modern Warfare 2 a try, to see if he wasn't enthralled by it, or if the experience wasn't (at the very least) preferable to solitude. Our aggressive sales campaign has apparently gripped him because he's double my level, and plays it even in our absence. We haven't talked about it yet, what it is about the game that has him bound thus, but he's certainly not alone. So many people purchase the game just on the 360 that - even though I play it every night - my rank is worse by a hundred thousand or so per day.

Hello dear readers, I would like to tell you a story.